To find the words to say...

a confession...

2008-08-11T05:29:00.000-07:00

I really don't know what to do.

I feel so down.

I am lost.

I have been doing crazy things since I got home and I can't even understand why I do it.

It's not even the first time I did it. I can't stop myself from eating. Maybe because it's the only pleasure that I can have so easily, specially after a very stressful day, like today T_T. I just love to eat. Maybe I am really born to taste different kinds of food. An addiction that seems to run in my veins.

But then, after all the pleasure, all the happiness i get, a guilt feeling would creep up to my whole being. A guilt feeling that would not leave me alone. That feeling would hunt me even when I sleep, up untill I wake up in the morning. Telling me that I did bad again.

Then I'll have to do it. I know it's not right. It's wrong, very wrong. I am a future nurse. I know the consequences. But what can I do? Even the nurse in me can not stop this insanity. It hurts, it hurts so much, my eyes would swell like I cried for two days straight. I don't want this feeling, I don't want to do this anymore.

Maybe,,,someday....someone will help me.....

I will Lose it!!!

2008-08-02T19:33:00.000-07:00

I will! I will! I will! I will! I will lose weight!!

Yesterday, me and my brother went to Sta. Rosa and played badminton from 3pm up to 9pm(that's 6 hour's!!!). It was so much fun. He always go there every Saturdays because he wanted to lose weight (but he eats just as much! haha). I tagged along only because I wanted to practice for my practical in Physical Education.

Of course we have some companions. A teacher of mine from elementary, Ma'am Tiburcio and her trainers and badminton players, trains there.

But I had so much fun, I want to do it more often. I met different kinds of people. By 4 pm our companions left. Me and my brother decided to stay since we had just arrived. But there was still another person who stayed with us. A somebody who used to be(or still?? mhhhh..) so special to me and made me feel just the same. He is one of the trainers of Ma'am Tiburcio.

It was still a lot more fun when night time came. People rushed in and before I know it, there were lots of us in the badminton courts. I played with a group of three. We did doubles. It was so much fun. Even though I had just met them, they made me feel like I belonged with them.

By 9 pm my parents picked us up. It so happens that my favorite Ninang, Tito and Tita came to our house. I found out that they do not eat rice anymore. Well it's actually for my debut, (a year from now). We've talked about this before, that by august we would start to lose weight. They are the one's saving for my debut. They are going to prepare for it. Would you believe? As early as now, they are already hunting a gown for me????? Haha..

So as a promise to them, I will have to lose weight, and I will! And if ever I forget? Please do remind me. hehe. Oh by the way, "He" promised to go with me every saturday and wednesday to play badminton. ^_^

Free Movies!!

2008-08-01T08:02:00.000-07:00

As I was browsing through YOUTUBE I came upon this site with free movies.

It's great! There are new released movies such as Hancock etc. and you can watch without having to download it first!! Just make sure that your net have a good speed. ^_^

Click this:

Free Movies!!

Friends Galore!!

2008-08-01T06:54:00.001-07:00

It's been a long time since I last posted here in my blog. Well it's been a busy month, as always. I've attended lot's of parties and for the first time attended a school activity. Last Friday, I attended the school's kickoff. It was so much fun only because I'm with my super loving friends. Well, we had an almost reunion(some of my friends were busy minding their new friends). Sugarfree, a band that I'm not really familiar with, had a concert that night. And you know what, even though me and some of my friends had no idea what songs Sugarfree plays, we were still at the front part dancing and partying to the music. I had so much fun! And you know what I found out?? Sugarfree's drummer is sooooooooo cute! As in over! Haha..

By the end of the concert, I texted my parents to allow me to sleep over at Dana's house, and to my surprise, they actually allowed me! Me and my friends had so much fun bonding together. We dared each other that we will not sleep that night. But due to over partying, tiredness haunted us and by 4am we were already snoring! Dana was talking to me and was like slowly closing my eyes! Haha

Oh! I haven't mentioned that I did not bring any clothes with me that night so I borrowed pajama's from Dana and the next day,I wore Dana's tee.

We left Dana's house the next day at about 1pm, to attend another activity at school. The school made us watch 3 documentaries.That activity, I loved. Why? Because, as some of you might have known, I wanted to take up MassCom or anything related to it, and a well known journalist came to visit! But, so ironic I forget hare name! Haha!

Some said the kickoff wasn't exactly fun. That was my perception too at first. But now? I perceive that those people who did not enjoyed the kickoff are those students who, are ALONE and doesn't have real , good FRIENDS. ^_^

Here are some of our pictures:

Guilty, Guilty ME..

2008-07-23T09:54:00.000-07:00

I saved this in my phone last night ( July 22 ,2008)

>>You know what, it's already midnight and I'm still waiting for my dad to sleep so I can use the computer. I felt the need in me to post something here in my blog and I fear that if I sleep, my thoughts will fade away and I wouldn't remember it in the morning. So I'll just save it here in my phone and transfer it in the computer when I get the chance.

A lot of things happened today ( we went to cat's house which is somewhere in calamba; read this post for more info-Bonding Moments: as always..) and though I had tons of fun, a quilt feeling keeps on bugging me. And yes, there are a lot of reasons why I am feeling like this.

1. I've been going to different places without informing my parents!
Though I've been doing this since HS, but it was not as often as now which is almost everyday.
2. I'm spending money that shouldn't be spent!
While my parents are sacrificing a lot of things for me just so they can send me to college.

3. I think I'm neglecting my studies!
I'm not satisfied with my prelims output. It's not enough specially when I am aiming for the scholarship, which I actually almost got last semester.

Conscience acts most of the time on negative things. You will not know and feel your conscience unless you have done wrong or if you are thinking of doing something not right. I do believe in the saying " Nasa huli ang pagsisisi" and I don't want to regret anything in my life. As early as now I'll try my best to correct these mistakes that I've been doing and rationalize first before doing anything. <<

But it's already 2am now and I have a return demonstration in assessing blood pressure for tomorrow. Argh! So much for correcting my mistakes!

Bonding Moments: as always..

2008-07-21T23:47:00.000-07:00

Guess where I am right now! Well actually I'm not sure where exactly this place is but I'm at Cat's house. It's her sister's birthday and Cat actually invited us even though it's not her special day! haha

Yes, we have classes today buy hey! We have a 3-hour break which we consumed here at their house (eating, taking pictures and writing new things to post on our blogs).

Oh here I go again, writing posts under pressure. Their asking me to finish this already so bye bye....

I'll post some of our pictures later this evening if I'm lucky.

>>July 23, 2008

Here are the pics!!

Me and JJ posing as KIM SAM SOON and CYRUS

Dr. JJ with nurse Cath with me as their dying but smiling patient,.

Group picture..

On our way back to school..on the trike..Girlyn was on top of us, all through the time!

We were dismissed early. Picture time again!

Just Paningit!!

2008-07-13T06:19:00.000-07:00

Hey guys!! Please visit this site..it's my best friend's Alamat. It's her home work in Filipino. And it's just so nice. Great work Dana!!

http://panitikanbsn25.blogspot.com/2008/07/alamat-ng-garapon.html

Here's her picture!

My Papu visited today with my cousins!! They're so cute!! Here are their pics.

This is Joaqi and..

Daphne!!

I love them so much..

Hate me? Thanks!!

2008-07-13T02:54:00.000-07:00

Have you ever felt so angry at someone that you literary hate that certain person? I think we all have. I never heard of a person who still hasn’t.

We always speculate that HATE is the exact opposite of LOVE. When a person breaks up with a cheating partner, He would always say that he hates her. If a child is scolded (on a teenager’s case, grounded) by a parent, the same word is heard (but of course, he makes sure that the parent doesn’t hear it!). Since I was an elementary student until I reach college, Hate means the same, the opposite of love.

But then just a couple of days ago, I have read this certain something somewhere. I can’t remember where or even the exact word, but I will never forget it’s over all message. It gave me a new meaning for HATE.

Absence is the exact opposite of Presence right?

Is Hate the absence of Love? No. You can not hate a person if there is no Love present there. Love is the complement of Hate. Hate will never exist without Love. Because if love doesn’t exist anymore, it means that you don’t care at all. What ever hateful a person may do to you, it will not affect you if there is no love, if there is no care.

So we hate, because we love, because we care.

For the past few weeks, I’ve been having some misunderstanding with my mom. Well I guess it’s just but normal (well tell me if it’s not, ok?) And, yes, there are times when I totally hate her. But it doesn’t mean that I don’t love her. I sometimes feel hateful of her because I’m affected by her, by what she does and what she says to me (though I admit that it’s my fault most of the time). I’m affected because I care, and because I love her. (waaahhhhhh..Ma! I’m so corny!)

I’m sure my mom is going to read this. She’s totally updated of things I do. Sometimes too updated. Hahaha..right mom??

No time at all..

2008-07-12T00:14:00.000-07:00

Me with my new classmates!

It's so hard to write a blog specially when you are under a lot of pressure(specifically a nagging father). So till next time. Cat!! Please help me with this blog thing. Thanks.

blogger me: finally!!

2008-07-11T21:59:00.000-07:00

 I've tried so many times to create a blog site. But I never had enough time. So now that my mother is at a seminar and my father is snoring loudly somewhere inside the house, I took the chance. I was just reading some blogs of my friends and I found myself feeling so envious. Jay-Jay's and Cat's work are so nice that it inspired me.

 I'm not really a creative writer type. I'm more into making formal ones like book reports and study researches. At first I settled into just reading other’s blog but then I asked myself, Why not? It's not like it will harm me right? Once, I dreamed of becoming a writer. I won writing contests, specifically Editorial writing, during high school and elementary. But then I never had the guts to develop my talent more. So here I am writing some so boring stuffs and wanting others to read it.

Anyways, give me more time then maybe I'll improve.

            Oh! By the way, it’s my best friend's birthday today, Happy Birthday PINKY!!(wearing red at the right) She's got the same name as my mom, and you know what, they even have the same characteristics. They pester my life but then make me a so much blissful person. Visit her friendster profile because she's got good blog's as well.

http://profiles.friendster.com/roszee12